Live and Let Go
by aslycsi1315
Summary: After being forced into early retirement, Hotch begins to doubt the decisions he made during his career.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was written for the Future Fic Challenge. Part 2 will be posted by Memorial Day.**

**A/N 2: Because it is never really discussed in the show, I'm declaring Hotch to be 44 in 2012, which would make him 54 in 2022. Assuming that Rossi is 56 in 2012, he's 66 in 2022. **

"Never look back unless you are planning to go that way." ― Henry David Thoreau

April 2, 2022

He needed help.

For the now retired SSA Aaron Hotchner, the whole lot of free time that came with retirement was turning out to be a problem.

When the Bureau told him that he needed to retire, Hotch was more upset over the actual retirement itself than anything else. On his first day , Hotch had spent the morning organizing the closets in both his bedroom and Jack's old bedroom. That had only taken him to ten in the morning. By 6:30 that evening, Hotch concluded that if he kept up the pace he was at, he would either beg for his job back or go insane. For the last twenty years, he had always been the boss that always moving and leading; waking up whenever he felt like just wasn't his style.

It wasn't just the free time that was getting to him, it was also the time that his mind spent reflecting. During his last few days at the Bureau, Hotch had begun to look back on his career. There were good times- the awards he had received and his leadership of the BAU- and there were also many bad times. His career had lost him Haley and the first few years of his son's life. There were also the cases- not the unsolved ones or the ones that was solved and everyone went home- but the cases where his team had been put in danger.

Aaron Hotchner spent the last fifteen years trying his hardest to protect his team. Dealing with Emily Prentiss' international incidents, Morgan running around as if he was invincible, Reid's inability to stay out of trouble, and protecting JJ and Garcia's innocence were some of the many things that kept him up at night as well. Especially the cases from the last six years…

By noon on his second day of retirement, Hotch decided that he needed to go and speak to someone and he knew the best man for the job.

David Rossi.

After a three hour trip towards rural Virginia, Hotch found Rossi's "retirement retreat" - a rustic cabin surrounded by thick woods and a lake. He spotted his friend near the edge of the lake, playing Frisbee with his black Labrador, Mugsy. Despite his age and a blown out knee, Rossi was still moving about as if nothing was wrong.

"Come on, Mugsy. Go get it!" Rossi threw the Frisbee towards the western side of the lake. It landed between two large white rocks that sat near a trail entrance. He watched the dog for a few seconds before turning to see Hotch standing at his SUV.

"Aaron, miss me already?" Rossi joked. He walked over to the small dock on the lake and pulled up two lawn chairs. Hotch smiled and sat down on a small plastic lawn chair that creaked every time he moved in it. The older man picked up two beers that had been placed next to the chairs and handed Hotch one.

"Is this how you spend retirement?" Hotch joked, a hint of worry in his mind. Rossi stretched out his legs and arms with a wide grin on his face.

"Yep," Rossi answered, "And since you usually come up here once every few weeks and your list trip was six days ago, I see that retirement isn't doing so well for you. I can't believe the new director went after you."

"The director doesn't think I am physically and psychologically capable to continue on as an agent of the bureau," Hotch stated with a loud sigh, "He used the last twenty years as a poor excuse to downsize the BAU. All the agents over fifty were let go. You know that there's only one team now?"

Rossi held out his beer towards Hotch to propose a toast. "To tearing up my knee in Canada," Rossi said. Hotch winced at the memory of the Toronto case from two years prior. A family of unsubs had set up a trap for Toronto police and the team that resulted in a massive explosion with no fatalities. The force of the explosion had caused minor injuries for everyone except for Rossi. The eldest agent had torn his knee, ending his career as an agent for good.

The younger man quickly wracked his brain for something to change the topic of the conversation. After a few minutes of silence, Hotch took a sip of his beer and said, "This is the most relaxed that I've ever seen you and it's honestly….a little frightening."

Rossi smirked. "Do I detect jealously in you, Aaron?"

"A little bit." Hotch caught a glance of the silver wedding band that Rossi wore. "Does your wife know that you're up here?"

"Yeah, I told her that I wanted some time at….what did Prentiss and Garcia call it….oh, my man cave." Rossi looked away, trying to hide his glee about his marriage. Hotch took a swig of his beer, deciding to poke fun at his marriage to wife #5 and the quickie marriage with the neurotic, obsessive wife #4 for another time.

"Aaron?"

Hotch slowly raised his head to see Rossi staring back at him, worried. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that the smile on his face was gone and his hands were shaking.

Rossi changed his seating position so that he could face Hotch face to face. "So did you come up here because your first day of retirement was that boring or was there something else?" he asked.

Hotch took a breath and stammered, "I've been thinking-"

"Ooh, that's not good-"

"Dave." Hotch was teary eyed, "I had spent yesterday contemplating my life. You know, with my forced retirement and Jack wining that scholarship last month, I wonder if I made the right decisions in my life. "He closed his eyes and grimaced, "I think I've made mistakes that not only screwed my life up, but so many others."

Rossi placed down the beer and turned to his distraught friend. Pointing towards the horizon, he stated, "I'm two years into my second retirement and I still have those same questions every day."

"But did I do the right things? I think I let the job take priority and I have nothing to show for it-"

"Aaron, I can hardly beat you in terms of a career! You have so many awards that you can put my books to shame." Rossi's comment got Hotch to let out a sad chuckle so Rossi continued, "Jack is going to Cornell- _the best architecture school in the country. _So what- you and Beth didn't make it; you and Emily have been going strong for seven years now!"

Hotch shrugged his shoulders halfheartedly. "My son had to grow up with a mother and I think Beth and I failed because of my job-"

Rossi put a hand on Hotch's shoulder. "First of all, Jack has had a great life so far. _A great one._ Secondly, you loved your job and Beth understood that and you guys mutually ended it. Now with Prentiss- she travels around the world for work, but Aaron, she's still your wife. "Rossi stood and added, "Alright, we're going to go for a walk and you're going to tell me everything that you think is a mistake."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: For those who read the first chapter within a few hours of it being posted, stating that Jack was married was a mistake on my part. It has been changed to him winning a scholarship instead.**

Five minutes later, both men headed up Pendle Trail, a six mile trail leading away from the lake. Hotch was quiet, focusing on the trees that were beginning to bloom near the trail. Rossi watched his younger friend for a few minutes before stating, "It's time to talk, Aaron."

"I know," Hotch exasperatedly threw his hands in the air, "Where do I start, Dave? Every day that I see him, I feel guilty-"

"Morgan isn't angry with you, Aaron."

"I screwed up! And I screwed up bad!"

**November 29, 2015- Flagstaff, Arizona- Northern Arizona University Research Laboratory**

"He's making a run for it!" Morgan screamed before tearing down the hallway after the unsub. The agent didn't even wait for any of his teammates; he was only focused on the unsub. It wasn't long before he heard footsteps behind him, most likely to be from Hotch, Reid or Rossi.

The unsub and Morgan turned the corner before the unsub ducked into one of the labs. Morgan suddenly stopped, allowing the follower, Hotch, to crash into him.

"It's dark and he's in there," Morgan whispered. Hotch pointed towards the right side of the lab to show that he would start from the right. Hotch pulled out his flashlight and slowly entered the room. Morgan nodded and slowly crept into the room, shinning his flashlight at the small room window. The moonlight only highlighted a lab station covered in equipment.

Both agents were about to search for light switches before they heard a _ding_ hit the tile floor. The unsub suddenly jumped out from under a table and charged towards Morgan. The agent jumped out of the way and grabbed the unsub by the shoulder. The man kneed Morgan in the stomach before turning around to face Hotch. The unsub grabbed the syringe on the table and started slashing it through the air. After two attempts to stab the Unit Chief, the unsub lunged at Hotch and jabbed the syringe into his abdomen.

Hotch fell onto his back as the unsub turned around and sprinted head on towards Morgan. The Unit Chief looked down at his vest with fearful eyes. He expected to see any type of fluid of the syringe, but saw that it was an empty. Hotch let out a sigh of relief just before watching the unsub push Morgan out of the two story window.

**Present Day**

Hotch covered his mouth at the memory of Morgan and the unsub going out the window. The scene had replayed over and over in Hotch's head ever since that day.

"Hey, Morgan is ok," Rossi told Hotch. The younger man began sobbing quietly while nodding his head.

Rossi sighed. "Morgan doesn't blame you for that day, Aaron. So what that he's in a wheelchair- he is happy, healthy, and still one of your closest friends."

Hotch bowed his head. "I was distracted-"

"You did nothing wrong. You thought that you were injured and you looked down for a second. Morgan doesn't blame you for a damn thing," Rossi sat down on a stump and pointed back towards the lake, "He's a strong person, Aaron. After he went over, you reacted immediately and got EMS on the scene. You helped him through physical therapy for a year. There's nothing more than being there for him that you could have done."

Hotch leaned against a tree and closed his eyes. Rossi was right- there was no anger on Morgan's end about the incident in Flagstaff. The African American agent had become a paraplegic and was forced to leave the Bureau. He still came and visit the team from time to time- playing Mario Party with Jack and Henry, teaching Reid how to pick up the ladies, having lunch with Hotch, JJ, and Rossi, and just hanging out with his favorite Baby Girl. Three years after the accident, Morgan moved to New York to open up a law firm in the heart of the city.

"Aaron….you don't blame yourself for everything that happened to everyone on the team, do you?"

No answer.

Rossi ran a hand through his hair. "Aye…Aaron, please tell me that you aren't really doing this right now. I'm fine- trust me. You can't blame yourself for the minor incidents that Reid and Garcia got into, so don't."

The "minor" incidents included Garcia attracting a stalker and Reid getting trapped with an unsub in a burning building in New Orleans. These incidents had very little effect on the both of them. A year after Morgan went to New York, Garcia transferred to the New York office where she was soon promoted to running all technical activities for the FBI on the East coast. Reid still worked at the BAU, but in a more limited capacity. On Wednesdays and Fridays, he taught criminology classes to universities such as Yale and NYU. Both, like Morgan, kept in regular contact with the team members that remained in D.C.

"I get your point," the dark haired man muttered.

Rossi shot Hotch a glare and started up the path. He called over his shoulder, "I don't think you do, Aaron. Follow me and let's talk about the next blame game that you are playing with yourself."

Hotch paused before saying, "I can't get over what happened to JJ. I thought we had almost lost her in Leadville and it would have been my fault."

An annoyed Rossi snapped, "Jeez, Aaron. There's no way you could have stopped that!"

**Leadville, Colorado- September 1, 2013**

JJ tied her hair into a ponytail while walking down Haling Street. The case was going nowhere; they couldn't find an unsub focused on torturing blondes in the small city of three thousand. After twelve straight hours of work, JJ had stepped outside to get some fresh air.

The profiler stopped at the curb and turned to see her boss coming down the police station stairs down the street. She gave him a wave before the unthinkable happened. A silver Cadillac pulled up behind her, matching the descriptions of the vehicle the unsubs had been driving. Before she had time to even think, two sets of hands reached out of the backseat and pulled her in. Her head hit the door frame before she landed on a man's lap. JJ tried to reach for her gun, but it fell to the ground when the car took off.

"JJ!" Hotch yelled. His voice caught bystander's attentions. Hotch sprinted towards the car with his weapon drawn. Once out on the street, the agent had no hesitation as he stood his ground and fired two shots towards the car. When the car was a few hundred yards away from him, he jumped over towards the sidewalk, expecting the vehicle to barrel past him. The car did the opposite- it decelerated for a few seconds before barreling straight towards Hotch. The Unit Chief jumped up, landing on the hood, then the roof, and finally the ground. His gun slid from his hand as he landed, unconscious.

In the vehicle, JJ was still battling against her kidnappers. The man in the passenger seat turned his body around and head-butted JJ hard. She blinked in a daze as the man holding her down tightened his grip around her body. The man then received an elbow to the stomach from JJ. She only had seconds to look up through the back window. Rossi and Morgan were running onto the street, Rossi firing off bullets towards the wheels of the car and Morgan sprinting hard after the car.

JJ could see Reid tending to Hotch before something slammed into to the back of her head and everything went dark.

**Present Day**

Hotch buried his head in his hands. "I should have been there in time. If I did, it would-it would- she would be ok!"


	3. Chapter 3

"JJ is ok, Aaron," Rossi told Hotch who was once again sobbing. "She doesn't blame you for what happened during or after the kidnapping."

"I should have-"

Rossi grabbed Hotch by the shoulders and exclaimed, "I'm going to talk now and you're going to listen. Alright?"

A silent nod.

"Good. JJ was tortured for four days before we found her. She was barely alive, but she pushed through, Aaron!" Rossi paused, remembering the empty look in JJ's eyes in the hospital. He had come into her room after completing the paperwork for the case. He had found the blonde profiler staring aimlessly out the window. It was as if all the joy and innocence had been taken out of her during her kidnapping.

Rossi focused back on Hotch. He said, "The first thing that came out her mouth after waking was that she wanted to see you. Do you remember what JJ told you that morning?"

Hotch sat down on the muddy trail. "She thanked me," he answered.

"Could you have done anything? Anything at all after she had been kidnapped?"

"No…..No, I couldn't have." The injuries that Hotch sustained included a fracture clavicle, a concussion, multiple lacerations, an injured spleen, and a brain hemorrhage that, along with surgery, put him in a medically induced coma. The agent woke from the coma a few hours after JJ had been rescued. Hotchner recovered within a month while the younger agent recovered within a few weeks. After the kidnapping, JJ was different- she had more caution and demons that followed her to that day.

"JJ cares about you and is so thankful for all of us, especially you, during that case. OK?"

Hotch nodded with crossed arms. "Ok."

"Alright. Any more blame games? Any more accidents you blame yourself that not even Superman could stop?" Rossi prayed that Hotch would say no, but he knew better. There was one last case that haunted every team member, regardless if they were currently on the team or not. It was the only other international incident besides Doyle that the A team of the BAU experienced. It had the biggest effect on Prentiss, as it almost killed her husband.

Rossi sighed when Hotch's expression turned to the same fearful look he had shown that day. "The Gyan case."

**Bourges, France- December 25, 2015**

Hotch rolled onto his side and gave the wood below his feet another kick. He knew that he was underground, not just because of the worms and insects that were crawling all over his body. It was also because he could hear footsteps pass over him, creaking on and off every ten minutes or so. Hotch had assumed that he was below the floorboards.  
The last thing that he could remember was reading the text from his wife on Christmas Eve. According to the text, Prentiss had gone with Jack to see the Conservatoire National du Pélargonium before dinner and wanted him to join them. He had eagerly grabbed his coat and took off towards the gardens, not realizing that he was walking into a trap.

Now the agent laid on his back with ropes digging into his wrists and ankles. He noted that his kidnappers had also bound his knees and upper arms together, an act done by someone incredibly precise or incredibly cautious of a highly skilled federal agent.

Whoever his kidnappers were had also been alert for the captive's movements because after Hotch gave another kick, the floorboard shifted and the agent was pulled out. Hotch winced at the bright lights and felt himself being dragged across the floor like a rag doll.

The kidnappers tossed him onto the floor without saying a word. Hotch slowly opened his eyes to see a bright light coming from a point a few meters away. Once his eyes readjusted, Hotch saw that it was a web camera with its red light flashing. One of the kidnappers stepped in front of Hotch while the other held a knife to Hotch's neck.

In shaky English, the kidnapper in front demanded, "Interpol Agent Emily Prentiss, I hope that you are watching this video. Hali Gyan, who is being held at The Hague must be released within twenty four hours or I will kill your husband live for the entire world to sea."

**Present Day**

Rossi was now sitting to a shell shocked Hotch. The memory of what happened in Bourges had drained all the color from his face.

"You aren't blaming Prentiss for this, are you?" Rossi asked Hotch hesitantly. From what he knew, Hotch and Prentiss were happy together.

Unexpectedly, Hotch let out a chuckle. He wiped his eyes and looked to Rossi. " I don't blame Emily at all. Picking up enemies, domestic or foreign, comes with both of our jobs. Although, I had hoped that Doyle was the last international case that we would have to face, I'm glad we stopped Gyan for human trafficking."

"Regardless of Gyan using you as leverage?"

"I wouldn't change a thing. I've been blaming myself for falling for that trap, but now that I think about it, "Hotch pulled out a photo of Jack, Prentiss, "You're right, Dave. My life hasn't been so bad."

"It hasn't been bad at all. The hardships and your decisions made this team- _our family_- who we are today. I wouldn't change a damn thing and neither would anyone else. We care deeply about you, Aaron- hell, it's been thirty years since I first met you and we're still very close. For Morgan and the others, your friendship with them is going to hit twenty years soon."

"Thanks."

"Just doing my job. You alright now?"

Hotch started back towards the cabin, smiling. "I'm much better now. I'm just happy you didn't pull a gun on me like in Boston."

"You are never going to let that go, are you?"

"Nope. Just like wife number 4 didn't." Hotch laughed at the memory of Rossi trying to explain his pep talk to Hotch in Boston to his crazy ex-wife. No matter how many times the man had explained that pulling out a gun had ended well, the woman refused to forgive him.

Hotch saw Mugsy dart up the trail with the Frisbee in his mouth. The dog dropped the Frisbee at his master's feet and looked up, tail wagging. Hotch leaned over to pick up the Frisbee before his cell phone. A quick five minute phone call for Hotch gave Rossi time to take the Frisbee and throw it, accidently landing it in the lake.

"Who was that?" Rossi asked when the younger man ended his call. Hotch smiled and placed his phone in pocket. "That was Morgan. He and Penelope are coming down for dinner today. I'm in and everyone else is going-"

"Including us," a voice said from the bottom of the trail. It was Prentiss, who was wearing a long flowing blue dress. Hotch laughed and walked over to his wife, pulling her into a hug. Prentiss rubbed his back and exclaimed, "The case in Southern Sudan ended earlier than we had expected so my boss at Interpol let me come home early!"

Prentiss pulled away from Hotch to see Rossi standing, arms wide open. She walked over to Rossi and gave him a tight hug.

"How did it go?" Rossi asked, pulling away from Prentiss.

" Southern Sudan is hot, very hot. I'm just so glad to be home with Aaron and Jack." Prentiss kissed Hotch on the cheek, "So Dave, you're coming to the dinner, right?"

"If everyone will be there, of course I'm in." Rossi started to walk down the trail next to Prentiss and Hotch. They made it to the trail opening when Hotch suddenly froze.

" When I told Dave about the dinner," Hotch stammered, " after saying that I was going…you said _including us_-"

Prentiss smiled nervously before placing a hand on her stomach. "I'm home for good, Aaron."

"Oh my God! Seriously?" Hotch exclaimed. Prentiss nodded and placed her husband's hand on her stomach.

Rossi congratulated them, " It's about time Jack got a younger sibling- oh, Aaron?"

"Yes?" Hotch's appearance was much brighter than when he had first come to the cabin.

"About our conversation….still have regrets?"

Hotch looked down at Prentiss' stomach. "Nope," the ex-agent replied proudly, " Not a single one."

"**Retire from work, but not from life." ~M.K. Soni**

**-The End**


End file.
